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Positive self-talk in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is about learning to be on your own side—especially when emotions are intense. It’s a structured way of replacing automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) with more realistic, encouraging, and compassionate statements so you can regulate emotions instead of being overwhelmed by them (DBT.tools, 2025; Home Counties Therapy, 2023).
In many DBT programs, Positive Self-Talk is taught as an emotion regulation skill and is also woven into distress tolerance skills like the IMPROVE skill, where the “E” stands for Encouragement from self—saying positive affirmations aloud to yourself.
What Is Positive Self-Talk in DBT?
Self-talk is the running commentary in your mind: your thoughts about yourself, other people, and the situation you’re in. DBT uses Positive Self-Talk to help you become aware of how harsh or catastrophic that commentary can be and to shift it to something more supportive and grounded deliberately.
DBT-focused resources describe Positive Self-Talk as:
Identifying your most common ANTs (e.g., “I always screw things up,” “No one can stand me”)
Developing a short list of powerful replacement phrases you genuinely believe or want to practice believing (e.g., “I’ve handled hard things before,” “I’m learning; I don’t have to be perfect”)
Using these phrases in the moment when emotions spike, to jolt your brain from a threat-based, shame-based mindset into a more balanced one (DBT.tools, 2025).
Clinics that specialize in DBT describe positive self-talk as a way of becoming your own “inner cheerleader,” consciously replacing self-defeating thoughts with constructive, supportive ones (Suffolk DBT, 2024; Home Counties Therapy, 2023).
Why Positive Self-Talk Matters for Emotion Regulation
From a DBT perspective, Positive Self-Talk helps you change your relationship to your emotions rather than erasing them. It doesn’t deny pain; it adds skills and perspective.
Research and clinical observations suggest that positive self-talk can:
Reduce depression and anxiety.
A 2023 quasi-experimental study found that group-based positive self-talk training significantly reduced depression scores in adolescents with suicidal ideation compared to a control group (Sabzipour et al., 2023).
Improve coping and stress management.
Health and psychology sources report that positive self-talk improves self-esteem, stress management, and overall well-being, and can reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety (Healthdirect Australia, 2024; Shyro Health, 2025).
Support emotion regulation.
DBT clinicians frequently pair affirmations with skills like STOP and IMPROVE, using brief, targeted statements to reduce anxiety and help clients act from their “wise mind” rather than panic (Thira Health, 2023; DBT.tools, 2025).
In short, how you speak to yourself changes how you feel and respond. Positive self-talk is one way DBT operationalizes this into a teachable, practiceable skill.
“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.”
"It is not the strength of the body that counts, but the strength of the spirit."
Core Principles of Positive Self-Talk in DBT
When we talk about “positive” self-talk in DBT, we don’t mean fake optimism or ignoring real problems. Effective DBT-style self-talk has these qualities:
Realistic, not magical.
“This is hard, and I can get through it,” not “Everything is perfect!”
Specific to the situation.
“I can survive this exam even if I’m anxious,” not a vague “Everything is fine.”
Change-focused and validating.
“Of course I’m overwhelmed after a day like this—and I can take the next small step.”
Self-compassionate instead of shaming.
Talking to yourself as you would to a close friend in distress: firm, honest, and kind.
Practice-based.
Like any DBT skill, positive self-talk becomes more automatic with repetition, especially when linked to daily routines and crisis-facing skills.
How to Practice Positive Self-Talk: A Step-by-Step DBT Approach
You can teach or practice this skill using a simple sequence:
Notice Your ANTs
Start by catching common Automatic Negative Thoughts that show up when you’re distressed. Examples:
“I’m a failure.”
“Nobody really cares about me.”
“I’ll always be this way.”
DBT worksheets often ask people to track situations, emotions, and the negative thoughts that appeared, so you can see patterns rather than isolated incidents.
Check the Facts (Optional but Powerful)
Borrow from the DBT Check the Facts and Opposite Action mindset:
Is this thought 100% accurate?
Am I overgeneralizing from one moment to my entire life?
What would a neutral observer say?
You don’t have to turn every thought into a debate, but pausing to check the facts can loosen the grip of harsh, absolutist inner statements.
Create a Short List of Coping Statements
Good DBT-style self-talk phrases are:
Short (one sentence)
Easy to remember under stress
Emotionally believable—or at least plausible
Examples by theme:
Fear/anxiety:
“I can feel anxious and still get through this.”
“This feeling will not last forever.”
Shame/self-criticism:
“I am allowed to make mistakes and still have worth.”
“I would never talk to a friend this way.”
Hopelessness:
“I’ve survived 100% of my worst days so far.”
“I don’t have to solve my whole life today; I only need the next step.”
Urge to give up:
“Right now, my only job is not to make this worse.”
“Urges rise and fall; I can ride this out.”
You can invite clients to test how each phrase feels in their body—if it evokes even a tiny sense of relief or openness, it’s a keeper.
Rehearse Positive Self-Talk Before You Need It
Here’s where DBT’s Cope Ahead mindset comes in: imagine upcoming stressful situations and rehearse your self-talk in advance.
For example:
Picture walking into a social event, feeling your heart race.
Practice silently saying: “It’s okay to be anxious and still say hi to one person.”
Imagine yourself actually doing that.
Studies on self-talk and self-affirmations suggest that rehearsing affirming statements before stressful tasks can reduce performance anxiety and support better coping (e.g., speech performance or test-taking).
Pair Self-Talk With Other DBT Skills in the Moment
Positive self-talk is most effective when stacked with other DBT skills:
With STOP:
Stop → Take a step back → Observe → Proceed mindfully
During “Proceed,” repeat a chosen affirmation such as “I can handle this one step at a time” (Thira Health, 2023).
With TIPP or distress tolerance:
Use cold water, paced breathing, or muscle relaxation to calm your body,
Then add: “I’m safe enough right now; my brain is just screaming.”
With IMPROVE (Encouragement):
As DBT IMPROVE materials suggest, explicitly “say positive affirmations aloud to yourself” as a way of improving the moment (DBT.tools, 2025).
Over time, this makes supportive inner dialogue feel less forced and more like your default way of relating to yourself.
Reflect on What Changes
After practicing, it’s useful to reflect briefly:
How did I feel before and after using positive self-talk?
Did it change my urge to act on an emotion (e.g., to isolate, self-harm, lash out)?
Which phrases helped most? Which felt fake or unhelpful?
DBT worksheets often include these reflection questions to help refine which statements are worth keeping and which ones need to be revised.
Examples of DBT-Style Positive Self-Talk Phrases
Below are some sample phrases you could adapt in a DBT group or individual session. They’re not “magic words,” but starting points:
General distress
“This is really hard, and I can take it one minute at a time.”
“My feelings are strong, but they are not permanent.”
Self-hate / self-criticism
“I am more than this moment or this mistake.”
“I am learning; I don’t have to get it perfect.”
Interpersonal stress
“It’s okay for people to be upset with me and still care about me.”
“I can’t control others’ reactions; I can control how I respond.”
Urges (self-harm, substance use, bingeing, etc.)
“Having an urge doesn’t mean I have to act on it.”
“If I get through the next 20 minutes, this wave of emotion will be smaller.”
Therapists can invite clients to translate these into their own language so they sound like something they would actually say. Authenticity matters more than sounding “therapy-correct.”
Integrating Positive Self-Talk With the Rest of DBT
Positive Self-Talk doesn’t live in isolation. It interacts with other DBT skills in important ways:
Emotion Regulation:
Works alongside ABC PLEASE, Build Mastery, and Cope Ahead to support a more stable, hopeful inner narrative.
Distress Tolerance:
Part of “improving the moment” (IMPROVE) and often embedded in STOP, ACCEPTS, and Self-Soothe exercises as a way of how you speak to yourself while you ride out distress.
Mindfulness:
Mindfulness helps you notice inner dialogue without immediately believing it, creating space to choose different words.
Self-Compassion & Self-Validation:
Positive self-talk is often most powerful when it includes validation (e.g., “No wonder I feel this way; it makes sense”) before gently shifting toward hope and action. DBT-informed writing on self-compassion emphasizes this blend of acceptance and change.
Together, these skills turn your inner voice from an automatic critic into something closer to a coach, mentor, or wise friend—aligned with DBT’s core idea that you are doing the best you can and can learn to do better.
Conclusion
The Positive Self-Talk skill in DBT is about transforming your inner commentary from a harsh, automatic critic into a more accurate, supportive, and compassionate voice. Instead of pretending everything is fine, DBT-style self-talk acknowledges that things are hard and reminds you that you have options, skills, and strengths you can lean on (DBT.tools, 2025; Home Counties Therapy, 2023). When practiced regularly and paired with other DBT tools like Check the Facts, Cope Ahead, TIPP, and IMPROVE, positive self-talk becomes a practical way to regulate emotions in real time rather than being swept away by them.
You don’t need to “believe” every affirmation 100% for it to help. The real power comes from repetition and small shifts: catching one automatic negative thought, softening it a little, and choosing a phrase that is even slightly more balanced or kind. Over time, this rewires how you relate to yourself. Research on positive self-talk and affirmations shows promising effects on depression, anxiety, and resilience (Sabzipour et al., 2023; Healthdirect Australia, 2024), and DBT brings that research into a clear, teachable framework. Practiced consistently, Positive Self-Talk helps you become your own inner ally—someone who can say, “This is tough, and I can take the next step,” exactly when you need it most.
FAQ
Most frequent questions and answers about the Positive Self-talk Skill in DBT
No. DBT-style positive self-talk is not about denying pain or sugarcoating reality. It starts with validation (“Of course I feel overwhelmed after today”) and then adds a more balanced, hopeful perspective (“…and I can handle this one step at a time”). The goal is realism plus encouragement, not forced happiness (Home Counties Therapy, 2023).
That’s very common at first. You don’t have to jump from “I’m worthless” to “I’m amazing.” Instead, aim for slightly more believable thoughts, like “I’m struggling, but I’m trying,” or “I’ve gotten through hard things before.” As you pair these statements with real actions (using DBT skills, surviving difficult days), they gradually become more believable over time (DBT.tools, 2025).
Thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are tightly connected. When you practice more balanced, supportive self-talk, you change the mental frame around a situation, which can reduce emotional intensity and make skillful action easier. Studies on positive self-talk and self-statement training show reductions in depression and stress, especially when combined with other coping strategies (Sabzipour et al., 2023; Healthdirect Australia, 2024).
Positive self-talk often works best as a “booster” skill layered on top of others:
With TIPP, you calm your body first, then use encouraging phrases like “I’m safe enough right now; this will pass.”
With Cope Ahead, you rehearse what you’ll tell yourself during a future stressful event.
In IMPROVE, the “E” is literally “Encouragement” from self—saying affirmations aloud to yourself as a way of improving the moment (DBT.tools, 2025).
So you’re not choosing between self-talk and other skills; you’re weaving them together.
Begin very small:
Pick one or two phrases that feel somewhat believable, like “This is hard and I can get through it,” or “Having an urge doesn’t mean I have to act on it.”
Choose one cue—for example, every time you notice your heart racing, or every time you catch “I’m such an idiot” in your mind.
Each time that cue appears, pause and repeat your new phrase a few times, ideally pairing it with a regulating skill like a slow breath.
You can track these repetitions in a journal or worksheet and review what helped most. Over weeks and months, these small, repeated moments of kinder self-talk can quietly but powerfully shift how you see yourself and handle your emotions.
DBT Positive Self-talk Skill Book Recommendations
Here is a collection of the best books on the market related to DBT Positive Self-talk Skill:
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References
- DBT.tools. (2025). Positive self-talk skill. Dialectical Behavior Therapy Tools.
- DBT.tools. (2025). “Positive Self-Talk” skill [Homework handout]. Dialectical Behavior Therapy Tools.
- DBT.tools. (2025). IMPROVE skill [Homework handout]. Dialectical Behavior Therapy Tools.
- Healthdirect Australia. (2024). Self-talk – what is it and why is it important?
- Home Counties Therapy. (2023). Emotion regulation DBT skills: A comprehensive guide.
- Sabzipour, M., Mousavi, S., & Shahsavari, M. R. (2023). Effect of positive self-talk training on depression alleviation in students with suicidal ideation. International Journal of School Health, 10(2), 62–68.
- Shyro Health. (2025). How positive self-talk builds resilience and mental strength.
- Suffolk DBT. (2024). The power of positive self-talk: DBT skills to boost confidence & empower yourself.
- Thira Health. (2023). DBT STOP skill: Affirmations for anxiety – a great way to use DBT’s STOP skill.
