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A brief view of Love
Most commonly, love refers to a feeling of a strong attraction and emotional attachment. Love encompasses a range of robust and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection, to the most straightforward pleasure. An example of this range of meanings is that the love of a mother differs from that of a spouse, which differs from the love of food.
Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.
I have decided to stick to love; hate is too great a burden to bear.
Life is the flower for which love is the honey.
Romantic interpersonal love
Biological model
- Lust is the initial passionate sexual desire that promotes mating, and involves the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and estrogen. These effects rarely last more than a few weeks or months.
- Attraction is the more individualized and romantic desire for a specific candidate for mating, which develops out of lust as commitment to an individual mate forms. Recent studies in neuroscience have indicated that as people fall in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including the neurotransmitter hormones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, the same compounds released by amphetamine, stimulating the brain's pleasure center and leading to side effects such as increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement. Research has indicated that this stage generally lasts from one and a half to three years.
- Attachment is the bonding that promotes relationships lasting for many years and even decades. Attachment is generally based on commitments such as marriage and children, or mutual friendship based on things like shared interests. It has been linked to higher levels of the chemicals oxytocin and vasopressin to a greater degree than short-term relationships have. Enzo Emanuele and coworkers reported the protein molecule known as the nerve growth factor (NGF) has high levels when people first fall in love, but these return to previous levels after one year.
Psychological basis
Psychology depicts love as a cognitive and social phenomenon. Psychologist Robert Sternberg formulated a triangular theory of love and argued that love has three different components: intimacy, commitment, and passion.
- Intimacy is a form in which two people share confidences and various details of their personal lives, and is usually shown in friendships and romantic love affairs.
- Commitment, on the other hand, is the expectation that the relationship is permanent. The last form of love is sexual attraction and passion.
- Passionate love is shown in infatuation as well as romantic love. All forms of love are viewed as varying combinations of these three components. Non-love does not include any of these components. Liking only includes intimacy. Infatuated love only includes passion. Empty love only includes commitment. Romantic love includes both intimacy and passion. Companionate love includes intimacy and commitment. Fatuous love includes passion and commitment. Lastly, consummate love includes all three components. American psychologist Zick Rubin sought to define love by psychometrics in the 1970s. His work states that three factors constitute love: attachment, caring, and intimacy.
Following developments in electrical theories such as Coulomb's law, which showed that positive and negative charges attract, analogs in human life were developed, such as "opposites attract". Over the last century, research on the nature of human mating has generally found this not to be true when it comes to character and personality—people tend to like people similar to themselves. However, in a few unusual and specific domains, such as immune systems, it seems that humans prefer others who are unlike themselves (e.g., with an orthogonal immune system), since this will lead to a baby that has the best of both worlds. In recent years, various human bonding theories have been developed, described in terms of attachments, ties, bonds, and affinities. Some Western authorities disaggregate into two main components, the altruistic and the narcissistic. This view is represented in the works of Scott Peck, whose work in the field of applied psychology explored the definitions of love and evil. Peck maintains that love is a combination of the "concern for the spiritual growth of another," and simple narcissism. In combination, love is an activity, not simply a feeling.
Psychologist Erich Fromm maintained in his book The Art of Loving that love is not merely a feeling but is also actions, and that in fact, the "feeling" of love is superficial in comparison to one's commitment to love via a series of loving actions over time. In this sense, Fromm held that love is ultimately not a feeling at all, but rather is a commitment to, and adherence to, loving actions towards another, oneself, or many others, over a sustained duration. Fromm also described love as a conscious choice that in its early stages might originate as an involuntary feeling, but which then later no longer depends on those feelings, but rather depends only on conscious commitment.
Comparison of scientific models
Biological models of love tend to see it as a mammalian drive, similar to hunger or thirst. Psychology sees love as more of a social and cultural phenomenon. Certainly, love is influenced by hormones (such as oxytocin), neurotrophins (such as NGF), and pheromones, and how people think and behave in love is influenced by their conceptions of love. The conventional view in biology is that there are two major drives in love: sexual attraction and attachment. Attachment between adults is presumed to work on the same principles that lead an infant to become attached to its mother. The traditional psychological view sees love as being a combination of companionate love and passionate love. Passionate love is intense longing, and is often accompanied by physiological arousal (shortness of breath, rapid heart rate); companionate love is affection and a feeling of intimacy not accompanied by physiological arousal.
The Love Attitudes Scale details Details
One of the more interesting theories of love was proposed by Lee (1973/1976), who forged a classification of several different approaches to love. After an extensive interview procedure and complex data reduction techniques, Lee proposed a typology of love styles that formed a closed circle. Lee identified three primary types of love styles: Eros (romantic, passionate love), Ludus (game-playing love), Storge (friendship love), and three main secondary styles: Mania (possessive, dependent love), Pragma (logical, "shopping list" love), and Agape (all-giving, selfless love). These secondary styles were conceived as compounds of pairs of primary styles. Analogous to chemical compounds, the secondary styles are qualitative transformations of the "base primary elements." Thus, Mania is a compound of Eros and Ludus, but Mania is qualitatively very different from either primary. In the same fashion, Pragma is a compound of Storge and Ludus but has very different properties. The same holds true for Agape, a compound of Eros and Storge. One implication of the analogy to chemical compounds is that although the six love styles are logically interrelated, each style has qualitative properties inde- pendent of all of the other styles. Empirically, measures of these six love styles should be orthogonal to each other. In sum, the love styles are all equally valid ways of loving. There is no one type of love, but rather many different types.
Researchers have studied the way people express and experience romantic love. Clyde and Susan Hendrick (University of Texas) used this work to develop their love attitudes scale; their work plays a dominant role in this field of research. The sociologist Lee (1973) became very well known for classifying love styles, also called the colours of love.
The six love styles are listed below.
The six love styles
Primary love styles
Eros
Eros is sexual or passionate love, and most akin to the modern construct of romantic love. In Greek myth, it is a form of madness brought about by one of Cupid’s arrows. The arrow breaches us and we “fall” in love, as did Paris with Helen, leading to the downfall of Troy and much of the assembled Greek army.
In modern times, eros has been amalgamated with the broader life force, something akin to Schopenhauer’s will, a fundamentally blind process of striving for survival and reproduction. Eros has also been contrasted with Logos, or Reason, and Cupid painted as a blindfolded child.
Ludus
Ludus means “game” or “school” in Latin. The term is often used to describe those who see love as a desire to have fun, do indoor and outdoor activities, tease, indulge, and play harmless pranks on each other. The acquisition of love and attention itself may be part of the game.
Ludic lovers want to have as much fun as possible. When they are not seeking a stable relationship, they rarely or never become overly involved with one partner and often can have more than one partner at a time; in other words, a school of partners. They do not reveal their true thoughts and feelings to their partner(s).
Storge
Storge (stor-gay; from Ancient Greek στοργή (storgḗ) ‘love, affection’), or familial love, refers to natural or instinctual affection, such as the love of a parent towards offspring and vice versa. Storge is a wide-ranging force which can apply between family members, friends, pets and their owners, companions or colleagues; it can also blend with and help underpin other types of ties, such as passionate love or friendship. Thus “storge” may function as a general term to characterize the love between exceptional friends and their desire to care compassionately for one another.
Eros
Eros is sexual or passionate love, and most akin to the modern construct of romantic love. In Greek myth, it is a form of madness brought about by one of Cupid’s arrows. The arrow breaches us and we “fall” in love, as did Paris with Helen, leading to the downfall of Troy and much of the assembled Greek army.
In modern times, eros has been amalgamated with the broader life force, something akin to Schopenhauer’s will, a fundamentally blind process of striving for survival and reproduction. Eros has also been contrasted with Logos, or Reason, and Cupid painted as a blindfolded child.
Ludus
Ludus means “game” or “school” in Latin. The term is often used to describe those who see love as a desire to have fun, do indoor and outdoor activities, tease, indulge, and play harmless pranks on each other. The acquisition of love and attention itself may be part of the game.
Ludic lovers want to have as much fun as possible. When they are not seeking a stable relationship, they rarely or never become overly involved with one partner and often can have more than one partner at a time; in other words, a school of partners. They do not reveal their true thoughts and feelings to their partner(s).
Storge
Storge (stor-gay; from Ancient Greek στοργή (storgḗ) ‘love, affection’), or familial love, refers to natural or instinctual affection, such as the love of a parent towards offspring and vice versa. Storge is a wide-ranging force which can apply between family members, friends, pets and their owners, companions or colleagues; it can also blend with and help underpin other types of ties, such as passionate love or friendship. Thus “storge” may function as a general term to characterize the love between exceptional friends and their desire to care compassionately for one another.
Pragma
Pragma comes from the Ancient Greek term πρᾶγμα, meaning ‘businesslike‘, from which terms like pragmatic are derived. Pragma is the most practical type of love, not necessarily derived from true romantic love. Instead, pragma is a convenient type of love. Pragmatic lovers have a notion of being of service, which they perceive to be rational and realistic. While they may be sincere about being useful themselves, it also translates to having expectations of a partner and of the relationship. They tend to select and reject partners based on what they perceive as desirable, compatible traits.
Pragmatic lovers want to find value in their partners and ultimately want to work with their partners to reach a common goal. The practicality and realism of practical love often contribute to the relationship’s longevity as long as common goals and values remain shared. The emphasis within pragmatic relationships is on earning, affordability, child care, and home service. The attitude of a pragmatic relationship can become disdainful and toxic if one partner sees the other as a burden.
Mania
Mania is derived from the Ancient Greek term μανία, meaning “mental disorder”, from which the term “manic” is derived. Lee defines Manic love as flowing out of a desire to hold one’s partner in high esteem and wanting to love and be loved in this way, seeing specialness in the interaction. This type of love tends to lead a partner into a type of madness and obsessiveness. Manic lovers speak of their partners with possessives and superlatives, and they feel that they “need” their partners. Oftentimes, manic individuals are attracted to individuals who have low self-esteem and a weak self-concept. This kind of love is expressed as a means of rescue, or reinforcement of value. Manic lovers value finding a partner through chance without prior knowledge of their financial status, education, background, or personality traits. Insufficient expression of Manic love by one’s partner can cause one to perceive the partner as aloof, materialistic, and detached. In excess, mania becomes obsession or codependency, and obsessed manic lovers can thus come across as being very possessive and jealous.
Agape
The word “agape” comes from the Ancient Greek term “ἀγάπη,” which refers to selfless love. Psychologist John Alan Lee defined agape as a kind of love where the lover gives without expecting anything in return, viewing it as their responsibility. This love is typically associated with older, emotionally mature individuals who prioritize logic and intention over emotion and attraction. Agape is a blend of both Storge and Eros. People who practice Agapic love see their significant others as precious gifts and strive to care for them. They find more joy in giving than receiving in a relationship, and remain loyal to their partners to avoid causing them any hurt. To embody Agapic love, one must possess qualities like forgiveness, patience, understanding, loyalty, and the willingness to make sacrifices for their partner. While Agapic lovers believe in unconditional love, they may neglect their own needs, leading to potential drawbacks. Although Agapic love comes with the benefit of generosity, it can also cause feelings of guilt or inadequacy in a partner, and may even lead to being taken advantage of.
Secondary love styles
Pragma
Pragma comes from the Ancient Greek term πρᾶγμα, meaning ‘businesslike‘, from which terms like pragmatic are derived. Pragma is the most practical type of love, not necessarily derived from true romantic love. Instead, pragma is a convenient type of love. Pragmatic lovers have a notion of being of service, which they perceive to be rational and realistic. While they may be sincere about being useful themselves, it also translates to having expectations of a partner and of the relationship. They tend to select and reject partners based on what they perceive as desirable, compatible traits.
Pragmatic lovers want to find value in their partners and ultimately want to work with their partners to reach a common goal. The practicality and realism of practical love often contribute to the relationship’s longevity as long as common goals and values remain shared. The emphasis within pragmatic relationships is on earning, affordability, child care, and home service. The attitude of a pragmatic relationship can become disdainful and toxic if one partner sees the other as a burden.
Mania
Mania is derived from the Ancient Greek term μανία, meaning “mental disorder”, from which the term “manic” is derived. Lee defines Manic love as flowing out of a desire to hold one’s partner in high esteem and wanting to love and be loved in this way, seeing specialness in the interaction. This type of love tends to lead a partner into a type of madness and obsessiveness. Manic lovers speak of their partners with possessives and superlatives, and they feel that they “need” their partners. Oftentimes, manic individuals are attracted to individuals who have low self-esteem and a weak self-concept. This kind of love is expressed as a means of rescue, or reinforcement of value. Manic lovers value finding a partner through chance without prior knowledge of their financial status, education, background, or personality traits. Insufficient expression of Manic love by one’s partner can cause one to perceive the partner as aloof, materialistic, and detached. In excess, mania becomes obsession or codependency, and obsessed manic lovers can thus come across as being very possessive and jealous.
Agape
The word “agape” comes from the Ancient Greek term “ἀγάπη,” which refers to selfless love. Psychologist John Alan Lee defined agape as a kind of love where the lover gives without expecting anything in return, viewing it as their responsibility. This love is typically associated with older, emotionally mature individuals who prioritize logic and intention over emotion and attraction. Agape is a blend of both Storge and Eros. People who practice Agapic love see their significant others as precious gifts and strive to care for them. They find more joy in giving than receiving in a relationship, and remain loyal to their partners to avoid causing them any hurt. To embody Agapic love, one must possess qualities like forgiveness, patience, understanding, loyalty, and the willingness to make sacrifices for their partner. While Agapic lovers believe in unconditional love, they may neglect their own needs, leading to potential drawbacks. Although Agapic love comes with the benefit of generosity, it can also cause feelings of guilt or inadequacy in a partner, and may even lead to being taken advantage of.
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Books about love
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References
- Martin, Rod A.; Lefcourt, Herbert M. (1984).“Situational Humor Response Questionnaire: Quantitative measure of sense of humor”.
- “Definition of Love in English”. Oxford English Dictionary. Archived from the original on 2 May 2018. Retrieved 1 May 2018.
- “Definition of “Love” – English Dictionary”. Cambridge English Dictionary. Archived from the original on 2 May 2018. Retrieved 1 May 2018.
Oxford Illustrated American Dictionary (1998) - “Definition of LOVE”. Definition of Love by Merriam-Webster. 27 December 1987. Retrieved 30 September 2021.
- “Love Definitions | What does love mean? | Best 91 Definitions of Love”. www.yourdictionary.com. Retrieved 12 July 2022. Roget’s Thesaurus (1998) p. 592 and p. 639
- “Love – Definition of love by Merriam-Webster”. merriam-webster.com. Archived from the original on 12 January 2012. Retrieved 14 December 2011.
Fromm, Erich; The Art of Loving, Harper Perennial (1956), Original English Version, ISBN 978-0-06-095828-2 - “Article On Love”. Archived from the original on 30 May 2012. Retrieved 13 September 2011.
- Helen Fisher. Why We Love: the nature and chemistry of romantic love. 2004.
Media Credits
- Featured image for the the Love Attitudes Scale: The Kiss, painting by Gustav Klimt.
- Featured image for the Eros article: Adam and Eve, Painting by Gustav Klimt.
- Featured image for the Ludus article: The Maiden, painting by Gustav Klimt.
- Featured image for the Storge article: Woman in gold,
Painting by Gustav Klimt. - Featured image for Pragma article: Adele Bloch-Bauer II, painting by Gustav Klimt.
- Featured image for the Mania article: Water Serpents II, painting by Gustav Klimt.
- Featured image for the Agape article: Hope II, painting by Gustav Klimt.
