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The FAST skill in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is all about self-respect effectiveness: how you communicate and make decisions in relationships without abandoning your values, over-apologizing, or bending yourself into knots just to keep the peace (Linehan, 2015).
In DBT interpersonal effectiveness, there are three targets:
Objectives effectiveness – getting what you want (DEAR MAN)
Relationship effectiveness – taking care of the relationship (GIVE)
Self-respect effectiveness – taking care of you (FAST)
FAST is the self-respect piece. You use it when you want to be able to walk away from a conversation thinking, “I might not have gotten exactly what I wanted, but I like how I showed up.”
What Is the FAST Skill in DBT?
In Linehan’s DBT Skills Training Handouts, the FAST skill is introduced as a guideline for “keeping or improving self-respect” in interpersonal situations (Interpersonal Effectiveness Handout 7).
FAST stands for:
F – (Be) Fair
A – (No) Apologies
S – Stick to Values
T – (Be) Truthful
These skills help you:
Advocate for your needs without tearing yourself down
Say no without drowning in guilt
Stay aligned with your personal values under pressure
Communicate honestly instead of people-pleasing or manipulating
DBT resources describe FAST as a self-respect-flavored DEAR MAN: you might still use DEAR MAN to structure the request, but FAST reminds you how to act so that your integrity and self-worth are intact afterward.
Clinically, the FAST skill is taught as part of DBT’s interpersonal effectiveness module, which aims to improve assertiveness, boundary-setting, and relationship stability.
Why Self-Respect Effectiveness Matters
Self-respect effectiveness is defined as acting in ways that:
Line up with your values and beliefs
Help you feel capable and effective
Leave you feeling moral and congruent with who you want to be (Linehan, 2015).
If you constantly:
Say yes when you mean no
Apologize for existing
Bend your values to avoid disapproval
…your sense of self-respect erodes over time. DBT frames this as a key part of emotion dysregulation: when you violate your own standards repeatedly, shame, resentment, and hopelessness tend to spike.
Research on DBT interpersonal effectiveness training shows that structured skills (DEAR MAN, GIVE, FAST) can improve interpersonal communication, coping, and self-respect:
A clinical nurse workshop that incorporated DBT interpersonal effectiveness skills found improved communication performance and coping, as rated by observers and participants.
Interpersonal effectiveness skills training has also been linked to better social functioning and communication competence in patients with depression.
Reviews of DBT skills training as a stand-alone intervention suggest that DBT skills packages (including interpersonal effectiveness) can improve a range of outcomes across diagnoses, acting as a transdiagnostic skills approach (Valentine et al., 2015, 2020).
While these studies don’t isolate FAST alone, they support the broader idea that learning to communicate assertively while preserving self-respect is clinically meaningful.
The Four Parts of FAST
F – (Be) Fair
“Be fair to yourself and to the other person” is the core instruction for the F in FAST (Linehan, 2015; Kaiser Permanente, 2020).
Being fair means:
Recognizing both your needs and theirs
Avoiding self-erasure (“My needs don’t matter at all”)
Avoiding villainizing the other person (“They’re 100% the problem”)
Sticking to facts rather than skewing the story to make you look terrible or totally right
Many psychoeducational resources stress that fairness includes self-validation—acknowledging your own feelings and wishes as legitimate, not selfish (DBT.tools, 2025; PositivePsychology.com).
A – (No) Apologies
FAST doesn’t mean “never say sorry.” It means don’t over-apologize, especially for:
Having needs
Making a reasonable request
Saying no
Existing, taking up space, or feeling how you feel
DBT handouts and clinical guides emphasize:
Apologize when you’ve actually done something wrong, not simply because someone is upset.
Avoid “I’m sorry” as a reflex every time you speak up.
Therapist-written resources highlight that chronic, unnecessary apologizing undermines self-respect and can reinforce a view of yourself as always in the wrong (Vallejo, 2023; Counseling Center Group, 2024).
S – Stick to Values
Here, values = your core principles and boundaries: what you believe is right, what you will and will not do.
Sticking to values means you don’t trade your integrity just to:
Avoid conflict
Be liked
Keep someone from leaving
Get short-term approval or rewards
DBT and DBT-informed materials consistently describe this step as one of the most important for long-term self-respect: when you repeatedly bend your values to keep others happy, your self-esteem quietly crumbles (DBTselfhelp, n.d.; McLean Hospital, 2024).
Examples:
Not joining in cruel gossip even if your friends expect it
Refusing to lie for someone at work, even if you fear they’ll be angry
Saying, “I care about you, and I’m not okay with yelling or name-calling in arguments”
T – (Be) Truthful
Truthfulness in FAST is broader than “don’t tell lies.” DBT handouts specify that self-respect effectiveness involves avoiding dishonesty, exaggeration, and helplessness as a manipulation strategy (Linehan, 2015).
Being truthful includes:
Not making excuses you don’t believe in (“I’m too busy,” when the real issue is a boundary)
Not acting more helpless than you are to get out of responsibility
Not inflating or minimizing the issue to win the argument
DBT psychoeducation often frames this as choosing courage over “fake peace”: being honest about what’s really happening, while still using GIVE to stay gentle and validating (Mental Health Center Kids, 2023; Gladstone Psychotherapy, 2024).
“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.”
"It is not the strength of the body that counts, but the strength of the spirit."
How FAST Supports Self-Respect in Real Life
FAST is not only about how others see you; it’s about how you see yourself after the interaction. Linehan’s handouts invite you to ask:
How do I want to feel about myself after this interaction, whether or not I get my way?
What do I have to do to feel that way about myself?
Using FAST helps you answer those questions in action. For example:
If you cave in and say yes to something deeply against your values, you might feel “liked” in the moment but ashamed or resentful afterward.
If you scream, insult, or lie to get what you want, you might win the short-term battle but lose respect for yourself.
FAST aims for the sweet spot: communicating assertively while remaining fair, unapologetically valid, value-consistent, and honest.
DBT diary cards often include a line for “Self-respect effectiveness: FAST” so clients can track how often they practice this skill each week.
Practicing FAST: Step-by-Step
You can teach or use FAST as a mini-protocol for self-respect in tough conversations.
Define What “Fair” Looks Like
Write down or think through:
What would be fair to me in this situation?
What would be fair to them?
If your inner critic is harsh, fairness might mean upgrading how you treat yourself: no more assuming you must absorb all the discomfort so others never feel any. Psychoeducational sites recommend explicitly checking that you’re not dismissing your needs as “too much” by default.
Identify and Reduce Over-Apologizing
Notice your habits:
Do you start requests with “Sorry, I know I’m being a pain but…”?
Do you apologize for having boundaries?
Plan alternative phrases:
Instead of: “Sorry to bother you…”
Try: “Do you have a moment? I’d like to talk about the schedule.”
Handouts from Kaiser and others encourage explicitly removing unnecessary apologies from your script while still apologizing when you’ve genuinely caused harm.
Name the Value You’re Protecting
Ask:
Which core value is at stake here? (e.g., honesty, health, respect, fairness, autonomy)
Then frame your action around that value:
“I’m saying no to extra shifts because my health and functioning are important to me.”
“I’m not okay with checking each other’s phones because privacy and trust are core values for me.”
This makes it easier to tolerate discomfort or disapproval because you know what you’re standing for.
Commit to Truthfulness
Decide in advance:
I will not lie to avoid conflict.
I will not exaggerate or minimize just to “win.”
I won’t pretend to be helpless if I’m not.
McLean Hospital notes that FAST is specifically meant to prevent compromising your values or self-worth in order to smooth over issues, and truth-telling is central to that.
Combine FAST with DEAR MAN and GIVE
In practice, you rarely use FAST alone. You might:
Example: Saying No While Keeping Self-Respect
Scenario:
Alex has been picking up extra shifts for months. Their manager often asks last-minute, and Alex usually says yes, then feels exhausted and resentful. Alex wants to say no while keeping both the relationship and self-respect.
Using FAST:
Fair:
Alex acknowledges both sides: “They’re under pressure to staff the store and I’m burning out.”
(No) Apologies:
Alex removes “I’m so sorry, I know I’m difficult” from the script and keeps a simple, appropriate: “I can’t take extra shifts right now.”
Stick to Values:
Alex identifies health and sustainability as key values. Saying no supports those values more than continuing to overwork.
Truthful:
Instead of saying, “I have plans” (when they don’t), Alex says, “I’m at capacity and need my off days to rest and take care of other responsibilities.”
Alex might package this inside DEAR MAN + GIVE, but FAST ensures that, regardless of the manager’s reaction, Alex can walk away thinking, “I was fair, honest, and I didn’t sell myself out.”
Conclusion
The FAST skill in DBT is a compact but powerful way to make sure you don’t lose yourself while navigating relationships. By being Fair, cutting back on unnecessary Apologies, Sticking to your values, and staying Truthful, you practice self-respect in real time—especially in situations where it would be easiest to betray your own needs just to keep others comfortable (Linehan, 2015; DBT.tools, 2025).
Research on DBT skills training and interpersonal effectiveness supports the broader idea that structured skills like FAST help people improve communication, boundaries, and emotional well-being across many diagnoses and settings (Valentine et al., 2015; Wu et al., 2023; Mental Health Center Kids, 2023).
You won’t always get the outcome you want. But with FAST, you can build a pattern of interactions where—even when the answer is no—you can honestly say, “I acted in line with my values, and I respect the way I handled that.” That self-respect is one of the deepest forms of emotional safety DBT aims to build.
FAQ
Most frequent questions and answers about the FAST Skill in DBT
Use FAST whenever self-respect is your top priority in a situation. That usually means moments when you might be tempted to sell yourself out just to avoid conflict or keep someone happy—saying yes when you mean no, apologizing for things that aren’t wrong, or going along with something that violates your values. You can still combine FAST with DEAR MAN (for getting what you want) and GIVE (for protecting the relationship), but FAST is your compass for how you want to feel about yourself afterward.
No. “(No) Apologies” in FAST means don’t apologize for existing, having needs, or setting reasonable limits. You should apologize when you’ve genuinely hurt someone or made a mistake. FAST is asking you to notice all the extra “sorry”s that sneak in: “Sorry, can I ask a question?”, “Sorry, I can’t work 7 days in a row,” “Sorry for being so sensitive.” Those automatic apologies chip away at self-respect over time.
That can happen—and it’s one reason FAST is hard in real life. DBT’s stance is that self-respect sometimes costs short-term approval. If you consistently bend your values to keep others comfortable, you may feel less anxious in the moment but more ashamed and resentful long term. FAST invites you to ask: “Which pain is worse: the discomfort of someone being upset with me, or the pain of betraying my own values?” You won’t choose perfectly every time, but the skill helps you lean more toward integrity.
A quick check:
Are you ignoring your own needs and treating the other person’s needs as automatically more important? (Not fair to you.)
Are you demonizing them and refusing to see any legitimacy in their point of view? (Not fair to them.)
Being fair usually sounds like: “My needs matter and theirs matter. I’m allowed to take care of myself without turning them into the villain, and I don’t have to make myself the villain either.”
Yes—but with limits. FAST is about your behavior, not theirs. You can still be fair, cut the unnecessary apologizing, stick to your values, and tell the truth while setting very firm boundaries or walking away. If someone is being abusive or chronically disrespectful, self-respect might mean ending the conversation, limiting contact, or leaving the relationship. FAST doesn’t tell you to stay and be endlessly gentle; it tells you to act in a way that you can stand behind later, even if that means saying a hard “no” and stepping back.
DBT FAST Skill Book Recommendations
Here is a collection of the best books on the market related to DBT FAST Skill:
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References
- Counseling Center Group. (2024, October 28). F.A.S.T. DBT skill: A roadmap for self-respect. CounselingCenterGroup.com.
- DBT.tools. (2025). FAST skill – Self-respect effectiveness. DBT.tools.
- Gladstone Psychotherapy. (2024). How to have self-respect in a relationship: DBT FAST skill. GladstonePsych.com.
- Kaiser Permanente. (2020). Interpersonal effectiveness DBT skills (DEAR MAN, GIVE, FAST) [PDF handout].
- Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT® skills training handouts and worksheets (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
- Mental Health Center Kids. (2023, June 6). Using the DBT FAST skill to maintain self-respect. MentalHealthCenterKids.com.
- PositivePsychology.com. (2017). 21 emotion regulation skills & worksheets: Strategies & DBT skills. PositivePsychology.com.
- Therapist Aid. (n.d.). Interpersonal effectiveness: DBT skills [Worksheet]. TherapistAid.com.
- Valentine, S. E., Bankoff, S. M., Poulin, R. M., Reidler, E. B., & Pantalone, D. W. (2015). The use of dialectical behavior therapy skills training as stand-alone treatment: A systematic review of the treatment outcome literature. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 71(1), 1–20.
- Valentine, S. E., Smith, A. M., & Stewart, K. (2020). A review of the empirical evidence for DBT skills training as a stand-alone intervention. In J. Bedics (Ed.), The handbook of dialectical behavior therapy (pp. 325–358). Academic Press.
- Wu, S.-I., Liu, S.-I., Wu, Y.-J., Huang, L.-L., Liu, T.-J., Kao, K.-L., & Lee, Y.-H. (2023). The efficacy of applying the interpersonal effectiveness skills of dialectical behavior therapy into communication skills workshop for clinical nurses. Heliyon, 9(3), e14066.
