The Boundary Building skill in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) sits inside the Interpersonal Effectiveness module and focuses on learning how to say, “This is okay with me—and this is not,” in ways that protect both your wellbeing and your relationships. DBT framing emphasizes that healthy boundaries are neither rigid walls nor open floodgates; they are flexible, chosen limits that let in respect, care, and connection while filtering out hostility, manipulation, and overload.

The FAST skill in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is all about self-respect effectiveness: how you communicate and make decisions in relationships without abandoning your values, over-apologizing, or bending yourself into knots just to keep the peace (Linehan, 2015). In DBT interpersonal effectiveness, there are three targets:

Objectives effectiveness – getting what you want (DEAR MAN)

Relationship effectiveness – taking care of the relationship (GIVE)

Self-respect effectiveness – taking care of you (FAST)

FAST is the self-respect piece. You use it when you want to be able to walk away from a conversation thinking, “I might not have gotten exactly what I wanted, but I like how I showed up.”

In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), the GIVE skill is part of the interpersonal effectiveness module and is specifically designed for relationship effectiveness—how you take care of the relationship itself while you’re asking for something, saying no, or discussing something difficult (as opposed to just getting your way or protecting your self-respect).
Dialectical Behavior Therapy

GIVE is an acronym:

G – (Be) Gentle

I – (Act) Interested

V – Validate

E – (Use an) Easy manner
Dialectical Behavior Therapy

You typically use GIVE when:

The relationship is important (partner, close friend, family member, boss, therapist, etc.). You want to ask for something, set a boundary, or resolve a conflict without damaging the bond.

The DEAR MAN skill is one of the core interpersonal effectiveness tools in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It gives you a clear script for how to ask for what you want, say no, or address a problem without exploding, collapsing, or losing self-respect (Linehan, 2015). In DBT, interpersonal effectiveness is about three things: Objectives – getting your needs met or solving a problem. Relationship – keeping or improving the relationship. Self-respect – acting in line with your values and treating yourself with dignity. DEAR MAN specifically targets “objective effectiveness”—getting a concrete outcome (e.g., a schedule change, a later curfew, payment you’re owed) while still respecting the relationship and yourself (Linehan, 2015; Seaway Valley CHC, 2022).